Accidental Makeovers Read online

  I was told not to come to moving day, but I’m here anyway.

  Fuck it. I’m helpful and I won’t say a word to that asshole. He’s not likely to show up anyway. He said he’s not subjecting himself to any more of our bullying until he speaks with Bianca, and gets to the bottom of this.

  Good luck, buddy.

  I get to Sharon’s house and no one is here yet. That’s weird. I thought we were all supposed to arrive at nine o’clock to start moving the boxes to the new house. Oh, Diamond’s car is here. Maybe everyone else is late? What slackers.

  Although after Thursday night, I can see why they’d want to avoid this activity.

  I get out of my van and glance around before I walk to the front door. I don’t see Sharon’s car, but Bianca’s is there. Oh that’s right, Sharon has a wedding today. Maybe she’s off doing some kind of prep work.

  “Hey, Max.” Diamond opens the door before I reach it, holding Mick on her hip, with Ruby hanging on her leg. Phoebe is right behind them, barking and trying to get to me.

  “Dada!” Mick reaches out to me, and I take him from Diamond.

  “Hey, little buddy. Where’s Mommy?”

  Diamond’s face falls, and now I’m a little worried.

  “Oh, I get it. They left you here to babysit, and to inform me that I’m not welcome at moving day. I guess she made up with the douchebag? Is he excited about his impending fatherhood?”

  “No, that’s not what happened. I came by to see Bianca yesterday and she…well…she had a lot more pain, and Sharon took her to the emergency room.”

  I set Mick down on the ground and say, “Where is she now?”

  “At the hospital. I picked Mick and Ruby up at Claire’s yesterday, and stayed here last night so Sharon could stay with Bianca.”

  “What the hell happened? Did she have a miscarriage? They don’t keep women in the hospital overnight for that, do they? Diamond, I need to know what happened.”

  “Okay sit down. It’s going to be okay.”

  Whenever someone says that, it’s rarely true.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Eric

  “Tracking you people down is a full time job. What is going on, Sharon? When Bianca told me to stay away, I tried to get in touch with one of her friends. I finally got Brandon and Claire to tell me you’d brought her to the hospital. I’m assuming she’s lost the baby?”

  Bianca’s mother is sitting in the waiting area, looking drained.

  I suddenly feel remorseful for barreling in here and accosting her, but if her daughter were a little more accountable…

  Does she really think I can hear news like this and just walk away? So she slept with Max. I’m not crazy about that, but we can get past it. Maybe now she’ll finally see the light and let me take care of her. It’s the perfect time to whisk her off to New York. Her career would flourish.

  “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

  Sharon peers at me with bloodshot eyes, and a bit of a murderous glint.

  Jesus, even the mother is scary. I half expect the ‘Boozekowski’ brothers to jump out from behind the fake plants and tackle me.

  “Excuse me? Wouldn’t everyone like that, Sharon? Do you really think Bianca wanted to bring another illegitimate child into the world? And one whose paternity is in question? Hell, let’s all go on the Jerry Springer Show. Max and I could do the ‘baby daddy’ thing, and Bianca can swivel her head and snap her fingers, and I know! We could round out our segment with Diamond flashing her rack, and that horrible rock band Chain could play the fadeout music!!”

  “You are shouting. In a hospital.”

  “That may be, but surely you see my point of…owwwww!”

  This madwoman just punched me in the jaw. And she’s wearing rings! I touch my face and look at my hands for any signs of blood, and stare at her in horror.

  Oh good, here comes the security person. About time.

  “Is this man bothering you, Miss Osbourne?”

  “Are you kidding me? She just punched me! Do you have eyes?”

  “Sir, what relation are you to the patient in surgery?”

  “Surgery? Why is she having surgery?”

  Sharon touches the huge security guy’s arm and says, “It’s okay, Hector. I was just explaining to Mr. Kimball that he’s the one who’s unwanted here. Not the child my daughter…”

  “What are you talking about? She couldn’t possibly have wanted…”

  I feel compelled to shake her until she makes sense, but I know if I say another word I’ll be thrown onto the sidewalk, just like in the movies.

  Who knows? In this backwards town, they might throw offensive hospital visitors out the window.

  “I’m not telling you anything. You need to go. If my daughter decides that you deserve an explanation, she’ll be in touch.”

  I straighten my tie and step back. “Fine, if you’re not interested in my concern, I’ll leave. That baby couldn’t have been mine anyway. I have a low sperm count.”

  Hector starts giggling and catches himself. Then gives up and slaps his leg.

  How professional of him. Is this a circus or a hospital?

  Sharon licks her lips and takes a deep breath. Surely she doesn’t find any of this funny.

  “Maybe that’s why you can’t swing a hammer.”

  Bianca

  Woah, those were some weird dreams. Thanks, morphine. Yuck. I don’t want any more of this shit. I’m not in that much pain.

  I’m so glad I have a private room. I’m not ready to see a lot of people, even ones I love.

  My mother was here when I woke up in the recovery area, and they moved me to this room. I forced her to go to the wedding. Luckily she had most of the food prepared yesterday before things fell apart with me, and she has a staff who jumped on the project this morning. It makes me smile thinking of Violet barking orders at everyone.

  That’s where this whole ordeal started. Under the table at a wedding. My life underwent a huge accidental makeover in the past month, and even though I thought my dreams were coming true, I’m not so sure anymore.

  “Knock, knock. Hey…I saw your Mom on her way out. She wasn’t sure if you were ready for visitors, but since when do I listen to mothers? Or anyone?”

  Raven is dressed casually, and I hardly recognize her in sweats and a t-shirt.

  I am sure they are ridiculously over-priced designer sweats, but still. She’s carrying a huge plant, which she places on the table by the window.

  “Thanks, Raven. When I said I didn’t want to see anybody, I really meant anyone who was going to cause more stress. So not you.”

  She pulls the guest chair closer to my bed. “I got back from Dublin yesterday…it turns out Irish guys are even better at consoling me than the Bulgarians…and Jennifer told me what happened.” She turns serious and continues. “I wanted to stop by and make sure you have everything you need. Daddy is on the board at this hospital.”

  “Of course he is. He owns the whole town.” I start to laugh a little, but it hurts.

  “Yeah, most of it. Are you doing okay? You’ve been through too much. But I don’t want you to worry about work. Your job at the salon will be waiting for you when you get back. I also got a call from Hyacinth, you know, the Concrete Jungle rep?”

  I hope she didn’t tell Raven I was already thinking of jumping ship.

  “Yeah, she’s been to the salon a couple of times on sales calls.”

  “She told me she thinks you would be a great sales rep for them. She hates coming to Richmond, and she said she really wants to get back to New Jersey. There’s an opening she’s applied for and they want to split up her current territories with local reps.”

  “I don’t want to quit the salon and start something new. I just bought the house.”

  I just remembered the house I was supposed to move into today. I wish I could go back in time and clean off a different table at Raven’s wedding. I’d still be stuck in a rut, but it was my rut.

  “No, you
don’t need to quit the salon. She and I worked out a deal where you could do both jobs, each part time. That might give you more flexibility with the baby…I mean, your son. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. I’m okay. And I am very lucky to have Mick. He’s turning into a little boy, though.”

  “You’re a good mother, Bianca. I admire you.”

  “Really? You admire me?”

  “Absolutely. What have I done with my life? I may have money, but not much else.”

  “But you do good things with your money. You helped me. Other people who can’t buy houses.”

  “Yeah, I do a few things. But I’m still alone.”

  “Well, so am I. I went from too many men to none overnight. Did my mother tell you what happened with Eric? She didn’t want to upset me right after I woke up from the anesthesia, but she knew her handling of the situation would make me laugh.”

  “Yes, she filled me in. She’s a tough one, your mom. Too funny. Eric is a pompous ass. I should never have asked him to get you set up in the new job. If I hadn’t just married a gay man and needed to get out of town…”

  We both start laughing at the absurdity of both of our lives.

  “So. What do you think about the job? You’ll have to go to New York to interview with the Concrete Jungle people, but it’s a formality. Cin has been tasked with finding her replacement, and they trust her judgment.”

  “Once I’m well enough to travel, I’d love to go. It shouldn’t be too long. I’m sure she’s tried to call me, too. I haven’t even looked at my phone. I’m lucky so many people care about me, but it’s overwhelming.”

  “Enjoy it. You deserve it. Now, I’m going to get out of your hair. You need to rest.” She stands up and grabs her big bag. “Actually, when I was on my way in I did run into someone else who wanted to see you. You want to get it over with?”

  “Sure. I’m sure it’s one of my well-meaning girlfriends, right?”

  Raven is suddenly flustered and says, “Okay, then. I’ll give him the green light. Take care…talk soon…”

  She waves and runs out the door before I can question her.

  Him?

  I slump back in my bed and take another hit of morphine.

  Max

  I open the door slowly. Raven said she ‘sort of’ gave me an intro, but didn’t give Bianca any time to protest. If she doesn’t want me here, I’ll leave. I don’t wanna upset her any more than I already have.

  “Hey.” She smiles, looking small in the hospital bed.

  I rush over to her side, holding flowers, chocolates and a stuffed bear. Looking at my gifts, I realize how stupid I am. “What a bunch of dumb shit. It looks like a teenager’s attempt at Valentine’s Day presents.”

  “No, it doesn’t. It’s nice. Besides, you never buy Valentine’s…never mind. Let’s not get into that.”

  “Thank you.” I exaggerate my words to show her I appreciate her not busting my balls yet again. “Can I sit down?”

  “Yeah, go ahead. Max, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away, but I was confused.”

  “Shhh.” I lower my head above her face, and kiss her forehead lightly. “You did nothing wrong. I let you down, and then I turned your life upside down when you tried to have something better.”

  “But it wasn’t better. It was just different. And now I see that different isn’t always better.”

  I take her hand and she lets me hold it. “Your mother told me what happened. I have never heard of an ectopic pregnancy. So the fertilized egg gets stuck…”

  “Yes, in the fallopian tube. It grows and quickly runs out of room. I was very lucky we got to the hospital when we did. If it burst on its own I could have bled to death. It happens to a lot of women because the tube bursts early in the pregnancy, and many women don’t even know they’re pregnant yet. At least Dr. Mason was able to remove the...whatever you call it.”

  Her eyes are tearing up, and now so are mine.

  She wipes her eyes, which look so different without makeup. Obviously I have seen her like this many times, but usually only right before bed and first thing in the morning.

  Today she looks younger. A little scared.

  I squeeze her hand tighter and she continues. “He saved the tube. Repaired it. I can still get pregnant, but it might be harder. Not that it’s on my agenda right now.”

  “Birdie, I love you. I didn’t want to come here and pressure you, but I need to be upfront. I slept with someone.”

  “I know. Diamond told me.”

  She looks like she’s trying not to…laugh?

  “Why are you laughing?” She must be on some good drugs, or she really doesn’t give a shit what I do.

  “I’m not laughing about that. She told me how she was able to get you and Eric to stop fighting at the house the other night.”

  “Oh, yeah. She’s a piece o’ work. Boobs solve it all in her world.”

  I join her in laughing at Diamond’s antics, but then say, “I’m sorry. I really thought you were done with me, and Eric was the one you wanted.”

  “He’s not.”

  “I stopped by my parents’ house on the way here. I told them what happened. Ma was very upset. She told me to tell you she hopes you’ll give me a chance. Mothers, right?”

  “Yeah, we’re all a bunch of saps.”

  I don’t usually see Bianca that way, but she is soft hearted. I let her independence make me lazy. I didn’t think she needed me, but maybe she does.

  “She gave me something. It belonged to my grandmother. I’m not going to give it to you now, but one day, when you least expect it…”

  “It’s not one of those knitted dolls you put over the toilet paper roll, is it?”

  I smile when I think of how Amber had one of those at her house, but it’s best not to mention any more other women right now.

  “No, it’s something a little nicer. So will you give me another chance? I don’t expect to be able to move in with you right away. We can…date.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Really? We can date? When we were dating, we didn’t even date. Mick wants Daddy back home.”

  I lean in and wipe the remaining tears from under her eyes. “And what does Mommy want?”

  “I want Daddy to come home, too.”

  I lean in to kiss her, and she stops me. “But we need new ground rules. And I am not quitting my job. I actually have more job changes coming. And I don’t want to even try to have another baby for a while. Mick may have to find non-siblings to start his band.”

  “I think he could manage that. And we’re young. There’s plenty of time. Speaking of bands, our band news is exciting, Birdie. Wait ‘til I tell ya. Oh sorry, you hate that name.”

  “No, I like it. I was just angry. Speaking of which, did you really sell the bike?”

  Crap.

  “Well, not yet. I will, though.”

  “Don’t do it. We have a house. You work hard and you deserve nice things. Just don’t buy things like that without talking to me first. Okay? Deal?”

  “Deal. About the house. Everyone is there right now, moving all of your stuff in.”

  She sits up and her eyes widen. “Seriously? That’s so nice.”

  “Yeah, we have nice friends. Nosy, interfering, but well-meaning friends.”

  “Max, I do love you. Eric was a mistake. Are you sure you can forgive me?” She lowers her head and says, “I do think the baby was yours.”

  “Yeah, I hear his…you know what…isn’t even big enough to hold the right amount of sperm.”

  “You’re impossible.”

  “Impossibly huge, right?”

  “The first thing we need to do when we get home is throw out and replace our entire stash—”

  “Already done. Diamond did it when she was moving stuff out of your bedroom.”

  “I guess in some twisted way she’s redeemed herself in the friend circle.”

  “Yeah, she was very…supportive of my quest to get you back.”

 
; No need for Bianca to know how supportive. After all, Herbie is part of the family now.

  “You should rest now. Your mother said you’ll be discharged tomorrow. I need to get to the house and make sure everything is done the way you like it.”

  “I guess you’ve claimed the loft for your drums?”

  “Of course. But that’s only because I’m going to build a garage in the back for your new makeup studio. I’m not saying you have to quit your day job, but I know you wanna do freelance work. And who knows? Someday you may have your own business, like your mom.”

  Her eyes are wet again, so I guess I’m finally not fucking up. “That’s so sweet.”

  I walk back to her bed and wrap her up in a huge hug, and kiss her softly.

  “You know, I may be interested in what your mother gave you now.” She raises her eyebrows and I think she knows what I have in my pocket.

  “Not now, Birdie. I’ve got a plan.” I pat my pocket and I can feel Grandma’s antique diamond ring. When the time is right.

  “Okay. I trust you.”

  “Wow, that’s the best thing I’ve heard in…forever. You rest now, Birdie.” I walk to the door and remember one more thing. “And I’ll have you know it’s been weeks since I’ve played any video games.”

  “Wow, you better get to it, or we’ll be overrun with zombies.”

  As I smile and go off to supervise moving day, I get a new idea.

  She could learn to do zombie makeup. Dead people who wander around looking creepy are popular in the media. Imagine if she got a movie gig?

  And it’s the perfect marriage of interests for us. Bianca loves makeup and I love zombies.

  Well, I don’t love them, but they’re cool.

  Hey, I know. That would make such a creative wedding theme. Who says I don’t have good ideas?

  I wonder how many people would be hiding under the table at that reception.

  THE END

  ROM-COM on the EDGE SERIES

  There Are No Men (Book 1)

  Afraid of Her Shadow (Book 2)

  The Juggling Act (Book 3)

  Accidental Makeovers (Book 4)